i succumbed or I am finally doing it right

Well, I decided that I should start doing what normal bloggers do. "normal" as in what normal adolescents my age do. They blog about their life. Their conversations, what recently made them jump for joy, rocher beancurd, a recent break-up, the crazy teacher ... The reason to compel such writing fails me. Perhaps it is because I am running out on time that I can safely call myself a teenager. I mean, the lady at the ticketing booth at the esplanade almost didn't let me in on a student ticket. Perhaps it is because I am stuck in the staff room, with nothing to do but wait for my ipod to finish charging. Or perhaps, this is what I term - "a no-brainer blogging". After all, I am simply relating the day's events.

This is my last week in Naval Base Secondary. I have been here since March, experiencing sufficiently the life of a teacher to know that I need to experience the corporate work field before deciding on my vocation. It is amazing to see how teachers take on a different personality once they face 40 pairs of blank stares, (if they are lucky actually) and realize that what they teach goes in one ear and out the other. I don't blame them students. This is scientifically proven. We don't listen much to what people say.

If anything, I have enjoyed my time here. True, there were the times I really wanted to throw my hands up in despair when a delinquent here and there snooze in class or swagger to and fro in slippers. Yet, the interaction I have experienced with my students are no less satisfying. It is surprising perhaps, but I have to admit, I am going to miss stepping into a classroom and start calling out names all in effort to keep a class subdued. Even more so surprising is the knowledge that they probably will not see me as a teacher they will want to keep in contact and remember at their weddings, and vice versa, but yet, I can forsee that while their faces may be a blur in about 2 years, the experience was well worth it.

If anything, the short teaching experience showed me my limitations and my faults. I thought I spoke well enough in a crowd and knew well the social game. I thought long and hard for ways to make an impact on my students. What should I teach them so that they would at least take away something for the day? Then I realized that maybe if I turned the tables around a little bit, it could be much different. What if I would consider what I could take away that day? What could I learn today from them? How true it is then, that as I gain more exposure, I grow in awareness of how much more I have to learn. Taking a glimpse into a wider circle does that dosen't it?

ahh well. ipod is fully charged. time to head to the bank, see the nice increase in numbers and head off for one more round of tuition. FIGHTING!

I am but I do not know

As long as I remember,

I knew the famous cross

of the father's love for me,

and how He saved the lost

It's all I ever knew,

I never questioned why it's true

chorus:

Do I really love you?

Am I really true?

My heart is so broken

and I'm oh so confused

You walked my storm

y seas

You set my heart ablaze

My tears fall to my knees,

my hands are raised

I heard David and Goliath

before I close my eyes

Samuel and the prophets

I read them off my heart

It's all I ever knew

I never questioned why it's true

chorus:

Do I really love you?

Am I really true?

My heart is so broken

and I'm oh so confused

You walked my stormy seas

You set my heart ablaze

My tears fall to my

knees,

my hands are

raised

doo doo oo doo doo doo,

Lord, where are you?

doo doo oo doo doo doo,

Lord, where are you?

I wanna say I am

I wanna say I do

The fear of knowing the truth

hids me away from you

That's all I ever know

and maybe nothing more

So tell me if I love you,

Oh tell me if I'm true

My heart is so broken

and I'm so confused

You walked my stormy seas

You set my heart ablaze

My tears fall to my knees,

my hands are raised

doo doo oo doo doo doo,

Lord let me hear you,

doo doo oo doo doo doo,

Lord I hear you

(fades)

He watches, on the sidewalk

Why is it that the most fulfilling, the answer to every problem, the best food for the soul is in something unseen, unfelt, incomprehensible and so prone to doubt?

Why does He let the rainbow shine, but only after the rain? So

dim and so vague, we can easily miss it.

Why is it that God himself chooses to be so vague, so quiet? He seems like a person by the road, just quietly standing by, letting everyone walk him by.